think n write

Calvin’s future….

2008-03-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

Calvin was a bright student during his engineering days. He got selected into a very reputed software company during 6th semester of his engineering. His parents were very much happy and proud. Having come from a poor family, now Calvin had responsibilities to take care of.

After completing his studies,he joined the company with much enthusiasm and will to learn and do some good work. Initially he had to go through basic training. Then one day he was told that He had to undergo training on a particular technology that he had never heard about. On knowing about the technology, he said to himself “I’m not fit for this technology. My interests are different” and approached his manager. Manager couldn’t help as it was not his decision but one based on some un-scientific lottery system. So Calvin was left with no other option but accept what ever was thrown at him.
Days passed, Calvin completed his training successfully though half-heartedly and now was no longer a trainee.

Now Calvin was one of the thousands sitting on bench waiting to be assigned a new project. Days, weeks, months passed without any assignments and all these days he wasted it in things like BB,blogs, et.all. Then one fine day, he got a mail…he was assigned to a project on the same technology he was trained in. Calvin was happy and excited.

Calvin joined the project. He was given some basic training on the tools used in the project, the domain and the project in a hurry. The reason for the hurry was because a senior in that project was going out of project. At first, Calvin had no idea why his senior was leaving, he had to experience it for himself. Days passed and Calvin took over the work. Within weeks, Calvin was bored with his work. The work failed to interest him, so was the technology he was working. Quitting was not only a difficult option but almost an impossible one considering his financial responsibilities and his rather weak technical expertise for almost a year old software-engineer.

Due to his dis-interest and the amount of technical knowledge, he committed some unintentional mistakes in the project. Mistakes or bugs got escalated. Now Calvin was under fire from his manager to the top most person from the department. Calvin had also earned bad name in the project because his concentration levels were much lesser on the project. His appraisal was doomed.

Calvin had no idea what an appraisal, this being his first one. Calvin finished his appraisal and got last-but-one grade. Calvin was sad. When he heard about his friends grades, he was still more sad. Days passed and his sadness turned into depression. Once a bright and intelligent student, Calvin was now a screwed-mass-of-meat. He had lost confidence in himself.

All this time no body cared to see what Calvin was capable of and where he could do well. He was pushed and pushed badly so much that he was now a like the pulp that had passed the digestive system and now was nothing but smelly useless shit.
Every morning Calvin thinks, where did I go wrong…. where did I make the mistake….

Can you help our Calvin ?

distance ripping apart love ?

2008-02-10T19:30:00.000-08:00

voice1:what are you doing? you are not listening to me !!

voice2:(switches off the Television) No dear, I’m listening.. what happened ? tell me….

voice1: I had a fight with my manager today…

voice2: Hmm… what’s the matter ? what happened ?

voice1:nothing, I just asked for leave and he is talking all crap, I dont like him at all… I’m thinking of quitting.

voice2: dear you really dont have to do this for me. I know how much we both love each other… Its OK if its not possible for us to meet sometimes but you see this job was your dream, you dont leave something you love so much… do you ?

voice1: But why should this happen only to me, everyone else gets leaves but I dont, Why should it be only you travelling such long distances everytime to meet…. It makes me feel that I’m not committed…

voice2: Dear…why do you think like this, I know how much you love me, you dont need to do something silly to show me your commitment…

voice1: but dear, It makes me feel sad…when do we meet ….

voice2: dont be sad dear, Its just matter of time… once I finish this project, I’ll ask for a transfer and come there. then on we will never be far…

voice1: I’m waiting for that dear…love you…

voice2:love you dear…bye.

voice3: what did he say ?

voice1:he is such a innocent dear, said the same thing… I dont have to travel tomorrow.

voice3: great then, i’ll get the tickets for the movie and also reserve for a romantic dinner. We will have a great day…

voice1: Hmm….

(Another case of distance ripping apart love…Or is this love ?)

When I met my first crush....

2007-08-02T05:07:00.000-07:00

"Ok dad, I'll call you when I get there" I said & got in.
Saw an empty seat nearby, so i placed my bag down & got seated.Infront of me was a couple.. may be about 35 yrs of age. They seemed to be in a bad mood..both facing opposite sides, the wife murmuring....On their side was a small boy busy playing a handheld videogame. Next to me,on the left.. was an old man & on the right was a blue bag,probably somebody had reserved the seat.

In few seconds, the engine howled & the train started moving. As I was settling down slowly, a girl came towards me with shoulder length hair, dressed in a blue chudidar. Her face seemed familiar... For few seconds I was literally staring at her. There were hundreds of thoughts going in my mind at that time. I was smiling from inside, there were all kinds of expressions on my face.

She came, moved down the bag which was on the seat & sat beside me.The old man had noticed that I was staring at the girl and was giving me a strange look. So I just collected myself.
I was really happy. After so many days, I was seeing her... my First crush at the college.

Those were my college days..in PUC. This girl was in my class, sweet & shy...she had the most beautiful smile.It was a time when most of my friends talked about their girlfriends & I felt like...me too should make a friend. This girl was so decent & simple that I was kind of attracted to her. I would follow her everyday from college to her home. Within few days,i searched & found her telephone number. I wanted to talk to her,but was very shy. I made so many attempts to talk to her, but my courage was not enough... days passed by...exams were over, results came & one day I learnt that her father had got a transfer. She was moving out of the city. I never talked to her.... & I still regret that.

I always used to say... "If i happen to meet her next time...i'm surely going to talk to her".
Now the moment had come... I wanted to talk, but I was little shy & afraid. I didnt think she would recognize me, but I knew if reminded her about those days... she would remember me for the stupid things I did infront of her. So I cleared my throat & said "hi".

I said
"hi"
she replied with a stiff smile
"hi".
"If i'm not wrong ..you are xyz ??"
"how do u know ?"
"i was in the same class in PUC, DRM college...."
"Oh...is it...but i didnt recognise you.."
"hmm...i was a bit low profile.."
"no...i didnt mean that...actually it has been so many years... 5 years na..
& we might have changed a lot to recognise after such a long time...."
"ya..."
silence for couple of minutes...
"what are you doing now?"
"doing M.Sc in shimoga... & u???"
"i'm in infy, mysore "
"ohh...u are in mysore...& ur home town ??"
"davangere itself"
"oh...nice..."
silence for a minute....
"where did u do your B.Sc ??"
"in shimoga...we shifted there from davangere after my PUC...where did u do ur BE ?"
"in davangere..GMIT"
"ok..."
i was thinking about what to talk...our co-passengers were hearing us & it made me
uncomfortable..till now i was conversing in kannada so i thought of changing to english
thinking others would find it difficult to understand. i started again
"do you remember those PU college days ??"
"hmm..yes...those were like very good days..."
i gained some courage & said
"do you remember, few boys used to play cricket near your house..."
"hmm...yes..they were from our college na...."
"i was one of them !!"
"ohh..."
silence for 5 seconds & she bursts...
"wait...now i remember u....u used to go to college & back home passing infront our house
u have changed a bit...& more over this moustache !!"
she giggled...there was a sudden change in her expression..her face brightened up...
"hmm.." i smiled.
"u remember...u had hit an old man while playing cricket !!"
"u remember that ???"
"hmm... a bit...do u still play cricket ??"
"na..not much"
"we were in the same class na..but we never talked to each other...strange na..."
"ya..."
"you know...those days, where ever i used to go ..i used to find you there...& dont know if I should tell you this. but ..."
"hmm...what ?"
a silence for 10 seconds...
"my friends used to tell me that you had a crush on me !"
I was left speechless....

It was really strange. I never expected something like this. I didn't know what to tell. Her eyes were gleaming, she wanted me to reply which i understood from her look.
I said "i did like you then...." she gave a simple smile. After a silence for 5 minutes, she asked "aren't you feeling hungry?" I said "not much". She took out a pack of Good day biscuits & offered me. I moved my hand forward to take the biscuits, & my hand touched her hand. I saw her face, there were no expressions, I too didn't show any feelings. But there was a thought in my mind that I had touched her for the first time.

We talked a lot about college, friends, interests, hobbies etc. Some excerpts are:
She was shy & a bit conservative.
She liked cooking.
She could sing well.
She was single.
She liked simplicity.
She hated Himesh Reshammia.
....................
I did an initial feasibility report based on these & I got a 50% probability for the success of the initiative. I had to decide...should I proceed or not.

This was the longest period of silence between us lasting for more than an hour. She was looking out through the window, seemed to be thinking about something seriously. I too was thinking.
Though I didn't have a first hand experience at things like love, infatuation & all, I have learnt a few things about it from my friends experiences. Actually love isn't what we have pasteurized by seeing movies. It is something far more difficult & deep to understand. Many of my friends have been in love, then broke apart & then went through a lot of pain & trouble.
Love isn't a game, It isn't just dating. It requires commitment from both sides. Love at first sight, crushes & all those movie stuff were just initiators & there were lot of things that we hadn't thought of about love.

I was not interested in a time pass relationship. I had to think about reality...& I was..........

These few hours seemed like dream. I had just wished to tell her that I had a crush on her. I didn’t even know if I would be able to see her in my life time. But God was generous …he gave me something more than expected.

Her destination was fast approaching. She said

“It was nice meeting you. I didn’t expect to see you.”

I said “me too“

She continued

“Few things that we did in our college days were just because we felt like doing that. We weren’t mature then. I think you can understand.”

I said “I do, I know it. Anyhow we shall be good friends.”

She replied “hmm…..yes”

She gave me her mobile number. The train slowed down & stopped.

We went till the door, She got down, & said “See you, bye”. I didn’t speak, my eyes did.

Her eyes were shining, they were wet. So were mine. I said to myself “She is my first crush & now she will be my best friend”.

Now every weekend we call each other & talk for about 10 minutes. We have become good friends & I’m happy about it. There are few relations that we just can’t define or express, you have to feel it.

Hi

2007-07-31T06:13:00.000-07:00

Test.